misterdoctorbeckymark2

views expressed here are my own!

Apologies

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I think I ought to apologize to someone for something!

First things first though!

This blog post was partly inspired by the great Claire @ministryofmum and her great post whatever works parenting

As you might have read on my blog earlier on, we are in the process of trying to secure a new house and get our old house ship shape so we can hopefully sell it for a decent sum, which is what this post was all about:
stressful times ahead?!

Then there are quite a few factors why we decided to put the boys in their own room: my parents are coming over to stay with us for 2 weeks, from a sellable point of view our bedroom looks better and bigger without the cots in it and our 3rd bedroom looks better and bigger with the cots in it! Here you can read a little about this Endeavour:
trial seperation

As mentioned in the blog post above we moved the boys out of our bedroom on Saturday. That night wasn’t very successful. So we had an open and honest conversation about what we wanted to achieve with putting the boys in their own room and came to the conclusion that, even though we said in the past we’d never do it, we would try controlled crying.

That is why I think I owe someone an apology! The apology ought to go to, I believe her first name is Sophie and her twitter name is @mycuntrymanor because I remember not too long ago have a twitter rant about how controlled crying is bad an I’d never do it and was quite defiant and rude towards said Sophie, so here you are:
Sophie I apologize from the bottom of my heart!

It’s not that we just decided to do this, we did go about it with a reasonably good idea of the situation! The boys are eating more and more solids so we decided that as their main source of calories & nutrition no longer comes from their milk formula we ought to see if we could get them to sleep through?

Spurned on by that fantastic post by @ministryofmum we thought forget about everyone’s opinion and just do what we think is right and what we feel comfortable with!

The older generation might disagree to some extent. Like I was told ‘I cant bear to see the boys cry, it breaks my heart’ well it breaks mine just a little as well, I’m not made of stone and after all they are my kids! But we are doing it for a good reason, well several reasons actually, but that’s by the by.

A good friend of mine (I know that sounds strange, but I haven’t actually met him yet, but hoping to change that at some point ) @SAHDandproud said something to me that reminded me of my own parents. When he asked his mum what she used to do when he was little and was to go to sleep but didn’t want to, she said: “I let you cry!” and thinking about it now my parents did the same! For him it was around ’72 and for me that would have been like ’76 / ’77 and onwards! Back then it just wasn’t recognized as a ‘parenting style’ and hadn’t been given a name like it has today: ‘controlled crying’!

So basically from that point of view we are continuing a method that has been using for decades!

Last night was the first night we tried it. We put the boys to bed at their usual time.

That’s where Claire’s post ‘whatever works parenting’ comes in again! There are a lot of mums who go on about my kids go to bed at 6.30pm, my kids go to bed at 7 and when you tell them when your kids go to bed they have the audacity to tell you that you are wrong and you should put your babies to bed earlier!

So we put our boys to bed at 8.30pm and it took around 40 minutes until they had settled by themselves. We obviously did the usual thing, wait 10 min go back in for 2 min for reassurance and go back out for another 10 min. and so on. We were quite surprised that it only took 40 minutes from when we first put them in their cots!

They woke up only twice last night and both times it didn’t take them long to go back to sleep without the usual bottle of milk formula shoved in their gob! I went in to check on them, made sure that they didn’t have a dirty nappy and reassured them and then left again! Although this morning at 7 we decided that it was enough and got them up.

So all in all our first night of this technique we used to say we wouldn’t do went without any major drama. Of course it is hard, who in their right mind wants to hear their baby cry, but if it means that they sleep through the night and are more awake and less grumpy during the day then the stress of it is worth it!

Incidentally I just put them down for their late morning nap, Alex went to sleep straight away, Eddie had a bit of a tantrum, but it didn’t last long and they are both asleep now! I see how long they’ll sleep, probably shouldn’t sleep more than an hour or so?

So there you have it, due to various factors we made a complete U-turn and decided to implement something that according my and Spencer’s mother has been done for decades, it just didn’t have a name and rules to it back then!

Maybe we should consider a career in politics? The amount of U-turns our Governments have done over the years and I’m not just referring to this current government!!!

Many thanks go to:
Claire @ministryofmum for an inspirational blogpost

Spencer @SAHDandproud for listening

and last but not least thanks to Sophie @mycuntrymanor for standing by her convictions and believes even when a lot of people had a go at her!

July 31st 7.30am

First of I want to thank everyone who has read this yesterday, and made this my most read post since i started blogging last September! Further I like to thank everyone who commented on it and all the nice messages and the general love & support I’ve had yesterday via twitter! Being attacked personally on twitter is never nice, what made it bearable and easily forgettable was the help and support I got from people on twitter yesterday so thank you very much for that!

Now to a little update about our boys! We put both to bed about 8.45pm last night. Alex went straight off to sleep, and he did not wake up while Eddie threw another little tantrum, which this time only lasted 5 minutes and then everything was quite! It is quite amazing , when we had the boys in the same room as us they’d wake 3 to 4 times in the night, which up to recently was perfectly normal and understandable as they didn’t get their main source of nutrition and calories from solids! Now that they do get most of what they need from solids and are in a separate room Eddie woke up once at 5.30am, yes he slept through from 8.45 till 5.30 (believe that?) and after 5 min went back to sleep. But the best thing is little Alex slept through! He didn’t wake up once, he slept from 8.45 till 7ish! Incidentally Eddie woke up first around 7 and Alex shortly after. But we are very proud, surprised and happy about the fact that Alex slept through the whole night and this was only the second night of the new regime and the 3 night in total they haven’t slept with us! So well done boys, well done!!

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Author: SillyDaddy

SAHD of twin boys, who just started year 1. Bring on the rollercoaster that is school life!

11 thoughts on “Apologies

  1. What a great post. I’m glad that you’ve found something that works for you. We did it with our eldest at 13 months as that was when his cot converted to a cotbed and the sides came down. We needed to know we could get him to sleep and be sure he wouldn’t wander off.
    It worked really well, the first two nights were awful but he didn’t seem to feel any different in the day. The third night we counted to 7 and he was asleep for the night.
    Such an honest post, and hoping for many sleep filled nights for you x

  2. Really good post, we also were not sure on the leave leave the baby crying method of getting them to settle through the night but also came to a conclusion once our little man was eating good amounts of solids that something had to give. Sure enough we removed the night feed and he was fine, we need not have worried. Glad you found something that works for you and them. May you find some decent sleep soon 🙂

  3. I thought ‘whatever works parenting’ was a great post and so is this. My parenting philosophy? Do whatever’s right for your family as a whole, don’t bother with text books, don’t judge others, be prepared to change. Your method though should be entirely up to you.

  4. Well done boys & well done parents! You have shown that so-called ‘controlled crying’ (I don’t really like the label) isn’t harmful or cruel, if done correctly.I think some babies get to an age when sharing a room causes more disruption than relaxation – just coz everyone, adults & babies, move about & make lots of noise at night. They become more aware of what’s going on around them & waking up becomes more about stimulation than biological or emotional need. That’s just my opinion anyway. Excellent post. Hope your peaceful nights continue!

  5. Well don’t boys and also well done to u both! So pleased for u x

  6. Well done to the boys, and to you and Dr B too. 🙂

  7. That’s absolutely fantastic. So glad it’s working for you and you haven’t let yesterday’s nonsense quash or upset you.
    Well done to you and well done to your children 🙂

  8. When I had my now 18 year old the doc said to me (a fabulous Pakistani doctor who had done all his training in the UK but was now working in Saudi) “I will ask you one question. If you woke up at 2am and your mum gave you a £5 note would you stop waking up every night?”. I didnt understand what he meant “from six weeks there is no reason why your baby cannot sleep through the night. If they are fed before bed, clean, dry and warm, they do not need to be fussed over”.

    I didnt take him at his word completely but I never forgot that. Yes, of course there were nights I got up. I was a trained nanny and I couldnt bear the sound of a crying baby. But they were never lifted out of their cots if i knew they didnt actually need anything.

    All three of mine have gone to bed at 7pm and from around 8 weeks slept through the night. Never mucked about at bed time, never really woken up, never had an hassles.

    They are now 18. 16 and 13 and I think they turned out all right.

    At the end of the day. You parent how you want to parent. (within reason obviously but you know what I mean)

  9. First of all, well done you guys! It is hard to do controlled crying.
    Second of all, do not listen to OTHER parents, EVER! What happens in their homes and what they tell the world is happening are often two separate things, so don’t bother trying to work out what’s what.
    I have done a little blog hop on sleep training a while back and a lot of genuinely honest and nice people have linked up some advice, stories and questions (look at the comments). Here is the link for you http://www.fromfuntomum.com/2012/01/sleep-advice-blog-hop.html in case it helps.
    Good luck to you guys and well done to the boys for taking yet another step towards independence.

  10. Controlled crying wasn’t for me but every parent has the right to chose what’s best for them and not be criticised for it. And every child is different too so the same way doesn’t work for all of them. Wishing you many nights of uninterrupted sleep!

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